you

You were there, Crying
When You were Supposed to be in the Light
You were there, Begging
When You were Supposed to Give away.

I saw you, behind the Door
Trying hard to hold that nth last Tear
and Howl Silently.
..Your unspoken question to God
Why? He left you with a Broken Heart
Why? He never let you have the Perfect life
That resided like a Parasite in your Mind
Distorting you between Real & Apocrypha world.

and you walked out Silently with a vague Smile
with no one to notice you
You heard the girl say, "Look How Pathetically she is dressed!"
You heard your Guardian whisper, "She is a total waste!"
They watched you march boldly ahead,
When you were weak and afraid inside,
Ready to break down any moment again..

Life has treated you all the wrong way,
They Threw Stones, When You wanted Roses
They Stabbed you, When You wanted a Hug
Breaking every ounce of you

But they never broke the Real you
because they never really got to know the person you are within.
They made you everything that you never wanted to be,
But everything You should be..
..You are more than what Life has thrown at you
Somewhere Between..
The Broken Dreams
The Broken Heart
The Broken Hope
Lies a Brave Heart.
Ready to ride the Bumpy Ride


Because...
I see the Tear in those eyes, but I also see the POWER TO HEAL IN THEM

I miss you

There was camera those days,
Moments & Memories that we could have captured,
But we didn't.

We laughed.
We Smiled.
We Broke the rules.
We Had you scream at your lungs
We even argued with you.

There you went.
With a Smile
leaving behind the prints of you
We now Cry at those funny moment
At those broken rules.
Wishing we could have saved your Shouts.

It was ordinary Teacher-Student Relation.
But there was something Special.
You were more than that.
You shared the big pain with us.
You shared the small Laugh with us.
The WORDS you used
Made me search up the dictionary.

You were more than the title that Principal Seat gave you
You were our Guardian.
You were our Guide.
The hand that held us through our Dark times.
Like the Single Flame of the Candle
You Enlightened us all

and now here we are gathered in your memory
Talking about the moments
Some Whispering a silent cry
Some cursing themselves that they could have not argued
Some regretting the wasted time which could have build into something more beautiful

Oh! How I wish, I could have stored those moment in the Camera.
But then again, the prints of those moments were much better saved in our Heart

It's hard to believe
What we missed in that fraction of second when we blinked
and now with your ashes ready to start it's journey through the river
I forgot to tell you,
You were my Hero and My Mentor....

- Topsy Kamchi

This is in Memory of Mrs. Ramamurthi,
Our Teacher, Guide, Someone who played the role of a mother. Someone who actually listened dedicatedly.

The Little Terrorist

He Sat there hiding,
Under the wall that Broke down
wearing his Best Suit that now was Dusty,
To show off among his friends(In School)

He saw his Father painted in Blood lying feet away from him
Holding his favorite Candy,
He Howled and Cried,
But the noise of Tank was louder to shut him down,

The School that sang him the song of Peace and Love
That showed him Beauty of the world
Preached, "With Love, Every War can be resolved.."
... now Came crashing down,
The Grenade Bursting and Breaking every Brick of it,
That stood on Hope, Love, Peace, Brotherhood

He saw his House Burn Black Smoke,
He saw the man in uniform shoot everyone He knew
His Favorite Best Friend
His Aunt he disliked,
His Enemy Friend...
In the name of terrorism.

He picked the GUN near his fathers body,
He triggered(while he cried)..,
for his Father.
for his Mother with his Baby Sister Inside her.
for his friends whom he wanted to show his Suit.
and for the School.




The sound of Fire, Tank, Bomb slowly faded away....
The bright light suddenly dimmed..
The Angels came to him, "Boy..It's time to go."


They Said,
"A Young Terror Boy Shot down...."
..and they rejoiced
Singing about their Victory over the Terror..

Life Like This

I Belong to The Country side,

Where the Mountain mount rugged, tell me a tale of romantic love

and the trees sings to me a hushed song

the gentle water stream hymn like the soul to the song..

Getting Drunk with rounds of beer in crowded dense bar ,

and all The men and women sing and tap their shoes

to a country song,

..old and beautiful..

Leaving behind the worries of the world on my rocking-chair,

With my Cowboy Hat on,

"Yeah! We Could Ride on my horse too

Run Wild Across the Barn Field

Sensing every Touch of the Sun on my Face

The Scent of the Golden Hunk Of Crop kissed by the sun

ready to Reap"

The Sun sets down

Bringing an end to the Day

He promised me bright Sunshine on it's Soar tomorrow

..So I could go fishing With Tommy

Aye! the Winters Winds are cold

But the Winters' chill is warmth with the smiles of everyone

Hey! I ain't need Cocaine

Hey! I ain't need a Man

...There is Beer for Cocaine

and my Life for Love

I strum on my Guitar Singing to the River

living a laid back life..

A Diwali Wish

..In 20 years of my life, This Diwali Vacation is the most hated one.

My pet is hurt. His broken bones are close to not mend able. I returned home last night to be received by a smile and news that the wall fell on him. I had imagined it in my head that i was slapping my cousin and the cook. But, when checked, I stood still, motionless and with no response and walked towards HIM where he lay. I looked at him. I wish HE could shout and say how badly it is hurting him, but he just watched me and licked and bites my hand. It may sound silly when I am partially crying over this whole scene. To just watch HIM play with me without complaining about his pain. I try to look at his eyes, trying to figure out a way to converse with him..all i see is INNOCENCE.

I am not hating this Diwali because of the Loud and Noise and Polluting scene. Though it true that, I am not bursting crackers. I hate this Diwali because the VET CLINIC are closed. The Vet Doc are not available to check him. Not sparing the embarrassment for myself, I even visited the Doctor for us Human. He laughed and said, "we don't do animals". "FUCK YOU!!!", I shouted in my head. THANK YOU is all i said and left.

Ask me, I seriously have not idea how should I react. My family is considering this as small deal, but to me this A BIG DEAL. Maybe I am reacting to much to it, but considering everything...I love this PET of mine....I am not a DOC nor am I God....and neither are my friends...but I am just hoping a prayer of even 10 seconds would do...I would hate to see him bury without any complain too.......and that is my Diwali wish....

The usual day that went un-noticed

I am not really a super busy person, but yeah I do ignore the things that happen on day to daily basis, EVERYDAY!..But if you ask me I'll have nothing to tell you what are those OBVIOUS things.

...So, I am making and exception today. Give it a shot on what happens.

So, Sitting in my veranda with my legs resting on the slab with a hot cup of BLACK TEA. The background music plays one of the Ekta KKapoors' soaps in one of the neighbourhood house which is so closely engineered that one would get lost. The big huge Cow has done her routine work of excreting her waste, which will soon be picked by someone for FUEL purpose. The dogs barking loud...Yeh Hain INDIA mere Jaan!!

....With all what I have seen and noticed, I am trying hard to bring out a philosophical meaning out of it. After the tiring and exhausting day and news on all the bad things. Some women, XYZ being murdered and raped. He slapped him, then He shot her. The never-ending stories of media on the Celebrities like they are their best friend...This, Little observation in my surrounding is really a peaceful thing to do. It's almost close to life of, "The Monk who sold his Ferrari" story.

And with all these thoughts in this quite evening, the thought of my ex-love poping up is quite evident for a loner. Do I sound to vehement here? Okay, I am not going to be hesitant about it nor am i going to sound cry baby of being abandoned by ABC.(Abandoned is better word than the word being DITCHED). I try to calm myself from being aggressive on myself. But, I come up with a theory of mine. I look around me again. Things are calm and quite. Life looks more simplified now, during the night. I talk to myself.

"That's how it is. End of the day. Every damn puzzle pieces fall to it's right place. One gives shit, create dirt, and someone else takes the shit for their use."

Now, that's a nice theory I made, that many wouldn't understand, but its making sense to me enough to forget about ABC and move on. Life is actually, if you have break the problems down, is simple and easy. Just, Humans tend to complicate it. EMOTIONS. Hell!! They have a strong significant role. Putting in simple terms, We love simple things, ways going easy, but we also need to excite life. And I am no less victim to it. As a matter of fact, we all enjoy the excitement, the run, the "fast and furious" throb of our heart, but when things go out of our hand, we curse..DAMN you GOD!! Why me??. It's just like the language English. ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE. The same is for Humans, we are funny people, apparently the most intelligent species of all on earth than the COW that's done with her Job and The barking dog..

MuRDer OF FEaR

..Firstly, I'm glad that there is an exsistence of BLOGGER in this world or even atleast in my life. There are things, or especially when it comes to me, that I don't share with anyone. Or even if i do, I wonder if i have the LISTERS full attention. This BLOG system has opened a whole new world of ALWAYS READY TO LISTEN page to me without the JUDGEMENTAL part. Wow!! I am actaully releived..

So, I'll begin now with my new post..>>MURDER OF FEAR<<.

..A true story based on true event to a living being named Topsy..

It's almost a week now since it happened to me, and after the life-defining week and all those thoughts that have been provoking me, I have come to realise that THE FEAR IS FINALLY MURDERED....

Wondering what I'm talking about?

...I guess it was Thursday night. I was on my way to get my phone from my friends place which I had foolishly left. Unaware of what was destined to happen, I took a Rickshaw to my friends place. Feeling the breezy air cut thorough me and having a moment of thought that said "Wow!! North Campus is really cool place!!"...I felt something intervening my glorious moment. And before I could realise I was on the ground, FALLEN and BLEEDING and CONFUSED......The only stimuli that reached my body parts from my brain was, "RUN AFTER THE BIKE". And I ran petrified. "NOT SCARED".

topsy!!!! topsy!!!! topsy!!! topsy!!!

That was the my friends SCREAMING voice commanding me to come back. I Looked back at her face that was swinging between fear, hope and anger. I looked at the bikers again, they vanished into the thin darkness..

..I came back, without any fear on my face, but Strong and I knew, The FEAR WITHIN ME WAS DEAD.

Many reading this, would or is wondering What I'm I trying to convey. Thinking, "Is this some Bull-S***ing?"...I would say YES and NO. Because I know, it's hard for me express out what exactly is in my heart, for I fear of being unmasked. And No, because some of this writing are written to tell me myself what I have learned today, even if makes sense to someone or not.

Thank you for reading though..